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Entry 32 Dishonesty gets results My whole life I've believed that honesty is the best policy. I learned that on "Full House", "Growing Pains", and "Who's the boss?". Can three late eighties sit-com's be wrong? The answer is yes. Honesty is probably the worst policy ever. Think of all the times honesty has gotten you in trouble. As a child, my punishments were often reduced because I had been honest. I was such a sucker. At no point did I take into consideration that if I hadn't spoken up, I wouldn't have been punished at all. So I have adopted a new philosophy; Dishonesty gets results. I think the best place to use "Dishonesty gets results" is in the dating world. My first step to "Dishonesty gets results" is to always go against your insticts. If you really like the person, you should pretend that you don't. That way they feel like a loser for liking you, their self-esteem is lowered, and that's when you swoop in for the kill. You should also never call them when you want to. If you must contact them, make sure that you do it via Myspace or- if at all possible- tell one of their friends to tell them you say "hi". If you're a guy, this will cause the girl to think "If he wants to say hi, he should just call me and say it HIMSELF". If you're a girl this will cause the guy to think "hi". Regardless, they'll be thinking of you and you had to put very little effort forth. The second thing you should remember when using "Dishonesty gets results" is always have fake plans made. When a handsome man (or a handsome woman) calls you to go out, make sure you have to check on some things first. An appropriate response sounds something like this. "I really WANT to go, but I just have to make sure that I'm not going out with some other people later." This does two things. 1. You are cool. You already have plans. 2. "Some other people" could be a date. KEEP IT VAGUE to insure both jealousy and intrigue. Finally, be dishonest when you're in conversation with a potential suitor. Some people call this "Coy". I say just fucking lie. If he asks your age: LIE. Sexual history: LIE. If you're seeing anyone else: LIE. Dress size: he's gay. LIE. As you can see, I have mastered the ways of "Dishonesty gets results" and am currently dating no one (this is an advanced step in enlightenment, I don't expect you to understand). So take my advice, get out there and don't call people that you like. Don't let it take you twenty-two years to realize that the people you like love to be lied to.
Buddhist philosophy on why it's ok to complain - Entry 31 
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